This is how my mind has been working recently, hence lack of blog posts. Also, tumblr doesn't help. :)

Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You

So I guess I was right.

My theory is.. no one cares any more. I have Ashley and George and that's it. No one else really cares, sure they're quite happy to let me tag along, but if I disappeared, they wouldn't give a fuck really. It makes me sad really. It's quite clear to people that when I meet them I'm shy and therefore a bit weird and I make mistake but that doesn't mean you should totally not consider me. Then again there are people I've been friends with for longer than 2 years now, and I'm relatively sure they don't care a heck of a lot really either. It just gets me down, a lot.

Merry Christmas! I love you! xxxxxxxx

Maybe I'm being paranoid.

I noticed a controlling tone in your speech earlier. I'm watching you. Believe me I am. I've learnt the signs. Make one bad move and I will pick you up on it. It will not happen again!

I'll try to explain it.

We're sitting next each other, George and I. We're both reading, I'm leaning against him, the back of my head in the place where his shoulder meets his neck. He has his arm over my shoulder too, holding my hand, we're just reading. He's reading, or rather studying, a book about a band he loves and I'm reading a story, a novel perhaps. But that's not what is important, it's the way that even though we're both totally absorbed by what we're reading, we both need to exist together, the touch of his skin against mine, the way his thumb brushes ever so slightly, unconsciously, against my hand. I can see this for years to come, living, breathing, being together. While we watch over our little son and daughter as they run around the park, chasing each other, or in that quiet moment we get when they're finally asleep. Sitting on our deep leather sofa, by the fire with our red wine (always red wine, are we addicted? :) ). We don't need any other language than the one of our bodies; so much can be said without words.

"I feel like it’s tremendously degrading to grab the back of your head, or hold your ears as handles, or whatever else most guys do."

I laughed!

'War hero's' award ceremony and the award presenters for some of them are footballers. Because that's really great isn't it. They risk their lives in violence for us and then get 'sympathy' from overpaid twats who kick balls for a living. That's it, rub it in their faces.

Just explained my paranoia to my boyfriend. He is awesome. I lo...

Mon Zebra

http://fishgopop.tumblr.com/

Truth.

Truth is the word I cut into my arm.

There, I said it.
Truth is important to me.

I made it all pretty!

http://le-joie-de-vivre.tumblr.com/

Fuck this, Ima dye my hair and get my fringe back. Ima be awesome and everything'll be even awesomer! FUCK YEH!

So there are people at college who, yeah I get on with but, I don't think they think much of me. There life would be in no way negatively effected if I ceased to exist. I think that's most of the people I know, to be honest. If I moved away they wouldn't miss me, with in a month it would be like I was never there, I swear. There's no-one that really depends on me, that without me they feel a little sad.

I suppose what I'm saying is: we just don't... bond.

My sister.

My best friend, Ashley. Look how amazing and beautiful she is, so tall too! I love her so much, she's my rock (so call on a cliche) i.e. she's always there for me and is much too quiet! I know sometimes I'm an awful friend, I don't talk much and I'm rubbish at 'listening', but honestly I care and if I forget her it really is accidental. Ask me about her and I shall tell you how awesome my Ashley is. Give her hugs, she likes them... then again so does everyone. I owe her raisins.. hmmm and huge hugs.

I love you.

He told me he loves me today.

There's something wrong with me, because I told him he didn't. I'm always like that because the only people who have ever told me they love me were horny teenage boys, or people who just loved the idea of me.

I don't know what to do with this.

So you're falling apart.
I'm watching over you, but I don't know how to help you.

Fucking... *RAGEFACE*

It's so fucking annoying. I love my mum, I always will, but OMG! So like, I took a diploma, but I haven't got ANY work back, and I haven't got my results either, but my mum is like, Stop getting stroppy! I'm sure they're doing their best.
WHATEVER!
1. I was not getting stroppy, I have every reason to be pissed off, They've had what since may to mark the work and give me my results but NO they can't do that! It's not like 6 months is enough to do that, oh god no! A 'technical error' FUCK THAT! I have been emailing around and oh no fucking fuck fuck!!!
2. DOING THEIR BEST?!?! Whatever, they couldn't give a fuck!! If they were doing their best, I would have my results by now. They would overcome the 'technical error' EASY!

So basically things that are pissing me off:
Not getting my results
Not getting my coursework
My mum not believing me when I'm telling the truth.
Everyone being overly sensitive.

I'M STILL PISSED OFF!

Yoshi.

When one is happy, the other is sad.

No one understands, they really don't, but maybe it would ease it a little to talk? Sit your mum down with a cup of tea, or call up your best friend? I know you don't think we're close, but out of everyone I know at the moment, you're right up there: people I care about. You'd never guess it, but you are, I mean like with my 'sister' and everything!
I don't like seeing you like this. You used to be much more muchier, now you seem like the little balloon you find behind the sofa 5 months after the last birthday. When I say 'where have you gone', that's what I mean. Your body might be here, but where are YOU? I miss you.

Blue Suns - I Saw You

Things I Love at the Moment

• Being with SexyGeorge.
  Because I can be me and he is like, 'you are awesomes!'
• Getting injured.
  Because they're from epic times, like being a cat and LIPping... And George.
• Yashee ummm... performing!
  Everyone else: lalala playplayplay Woo! This is crackin'!
  Yash: FUCK YEH!!! XD XD XD *dances around snazzily* ... *PING*
• Having girl-friends.
  I find it hard to make girl-friends. These are girls, and the appear not to hate me. Me = XD

I don't want to be normal; I don't want to be like you.

I've been realising in the last few days that there are some people who actually fine with just not knowing things. They are perfectly OK with just going about in their little world, only concerned with their immediate surroundings, no desire to explore their mind and the world. How can you live like that?!

How do you not have that thirst to just Go and Do?!

I want to go out there and feel life, feel what it's all like. Feel the grains in the wood, the heat from the crowd, how cold your hands get when you cartwheel in the snow. Have the unbearable burns of chilli, grazes on my knees from running through the streets chasing you with smiles on our faces. I want to take my love with me, show him everything I found with you. I'd travel with you, just not only you. You're amazing. I miss you.

Bourbon Biscuits

So now there is George.

Mum is quite suspicious of him, and maybe she should be. He is a drummer in a band, he has kept her youngest out late at night on a few occasions and yes, he does look a bit like a dealer. But he is AWESOME!

He has a bit of a past, but that shows he can feel. He is a little bit weird, but in a good way. He kisses my hair when he doesn't even realise he's doing it. He looks at me like I'm the only one he wants to be with. He knows how to make me happy. He introduced me to his friends. He has agreed to meeting my mum and my Ashley. When I'm talking to him I sometimes get butterflies. We write each other notes. He lends me his jacket when I'm cold. I miss him before he's even left. He accepts my crazy; I accept his. He saves me when I'm down and makes me so happy that I can't stop smiling when I kiss him.

I am his and he is mine.

A few short letters.

Dear legs,
OWWWWWW!!!!! Please stop hurting.
Yours sincerely.

Dear Tele,
I like you, please work, I will reward you by watching you intently.
Yours sincerely.

Dear Jade's chair,
Thanks, generally :D
Yours sincerely.

I found my (old) personal statement that I used in an exhibition:

‘Out of the ordinary’ things are the best, that I have decided. And not the mainstream ‘out-of-the-ordinary-Edward-Cullen-is-my-god’, more the ‘let’s go and climb that tree and sing a song about the river Thames’ and I like to spend lots of time having bizarre conversations with my friends, for example about sponge turtles named Raj. I really like to write, mostly creative writing that nobody sees but I still enjoy it. I also trying to look at the world in a different way and passing notes rather than talking. I’d really love to go exploring the world just to get out of the constraints of day to day life and live life rather than have it dictated to me.

I would like to have a pet goat but my mum won’t let me. I’d like to be successful as a creative person, either as an actor or perhaps even an artist, I just hope my lack of artistic talent isn’t a huge issue. I like finding new and unheard of music as it allows me to break the mainstream culture. I really don’t like how everyone is turning out to be the same person. I also like hugs. I am Hope.

I think that this is the beginning of the end of the darkness. Or somewhere near then. This was quite a good time for me and I know I owe you because you helped me out. Thank-you, you helped save me from staying under, I'm just sorry you suffered before me and alone.

Icecream.

Things I need/want:
Shoes
1x white Converse
1x red Converse
2x skanky-cool
1x boots
2x school plimsolls

Music
General Vinyls
Sigur Ros
Death Cab For Cutie
Bombay Bicycle Club
that song I heard on the radio
Blank sheet music for decorating & writing letters
My friends, I miss sitting in while they practice. They don't even know that it makes me sad that I don't get to anymore.

Books
<6x Writing books (not lined)
Poetry (please recommend)
Fiction (please recommend)
PostSecret
something special

Films
French Cinema/ Foreign Films (please recommend)
Tim Burton
Superbad o.n.o.
something inspirational that doesn't involve death too much.

Aesthetic
New haircut (suggestions more than welcome)
New clothes ~ I need to find my style

Inspiration!

Fuck!

I keep seeing a time-span on things. I have such a negative outlook on life. So there's this guy I think I'm seeing. Anyway, I don't know why but I see him going off with my best friend. I just see the negative in everything; like say we're not saying anything, instead of being like hmmm what should I say, I just go into well this clearly isn't gonna work so why bother mode. I like... met him and stuff and yeah I liked him but then like ... I don't know, I think some conscious part of me just won't let me be happy with people. I started to like him then Me over dramatised stuff, made me go depresso and then now I feel like I'm struggling. From what he says I get the vibe that he really quite likes me, but I think there's this part of me that just won't let me feel the same. Is it wrong to be like this? I want to really like him but Me is just like .. well... repressive.
It's stupid, I don't seem to feel any emotions other than humorous happiness, and self orientated sadness. I need someone to just open me right up and teach me how to have emotions. Even my own family, they go away and I don't really miss them, maybe it's because I know they're still there. But also, when I say I love you, I don't even know if I mean it. How do I even know what it feels like?
I don't know what is going on, maybe I need to sort my sleep pattern out and start eating properly again and just try to let him make me happy. IT doesn't help that I sometimes feel like an outsider, like people will just not consider me in what they are doing. No one would be like, hey does Hope want to try this? I don't crop up in their approximation of people who might be interested. It gets quite lonely sometimes. Yeah I have friends at college, but I'm still yet to find someone who just mutually wants to be around me as my friend. Even my old friends, not that we were that close, seem almost utterly uninterested. Maybe I need to be the one to be interested. Maybe I am the only key to my own happiness, and in order to be happy I must let me feel.
I want to be happy with you, I just don't know how to let me be. I want to miss you, but I don't know if I'm able.
Fuck this depressing crap.
Peace&Love
xxx

I'll fill you in on the month sometime soon.

I think I'm definitely not the only one who really is quite starting to dislike using things like facebook chat and MSN. I mean I swear they're actually conversation killers. I reckon it's like when the telephone was just invented. Whereas before people would be sent letter, all you had to do then was pick up the phone and call. Sure, hearing their voice can mean a lot but you can't keep their words. You can't tuck the words they spoke into your pillow as you sleep, or slip them into your wallet so you can hear them again sitting in a steam-filled Parisian cafe. You used to get love letters in the post, someone had sat down and properly thought about what they wanted to say to you, put it into the right words and then sent it themselves. And nowadays, what do we get?! MSN: Hi, Hi, How are you? I'm good thanks, you? Yeah, good. Been up to much? No, You? No. ... Ok that's an elaboration, what you would actually get is: hi, hi, uk?, yh u?, yh. wubu2? not much u? same. I mean, how the heck does that convey the affection between friends, how are you supposed to make, strengthen, or maintain a bond with that?! It just really annoys me. I don't use MSN much anymore, and when I do all the noise alerts and smilies are all turned off because they annoy and confuse me. Also, facebook chat, OMGosh! What the heck is with the noise on that?! *pop*... *pop* .... *POP**POP**POP**POP* SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! ...It annoys me.

So basically, Write more letters, use less instant messaging.

Soon amico, soon.

Revelation.

I am the bitch.

In groups of people you will often find there is a bitch (or more than one). I have noticed how I seem to be less favorable to my friends over the last year or so, and how I am quite harsh towards people. thus I have concluded that I am the bitch in the group, hence why I find it hard to make and keep friends, and why people dislike/avoid me.

I HATE THIS!

WTF?!

Things with R ended v. badly, which I don't like, esp the fact that it had to do with S, so today when I started college I was a tad apprehensive about seeing R, but not overtly so.
When all that went on with S he told me he was moving to Wales, and all was grand and R detested him greatly.
So I turn up at college expecting the usual first day occurrences plus also seeing R. And I'm wandering just around by the main reception an lo and fucking behold there stands S!!!!! I had seen R about 3 seconds ago and now I see S there!!!! He was meant to be IN FUCKING WALES for Fry's sake!! No-one really knows about the R-S situ apart from Yashee and Ashley, and with Ashley at a different college I desperately try to track down Yash whilst shaking and shredding my lip to pieces. By the time I find him I'm totally freaking out and even my breathing was shaking, I don't know why I reacted like that, I wouldn't normally but I just bolted. Me and Yash barely talk anymore, literally a couple of words every couple of weeks tops. So even me hunting him down was a risk in it's self but that wasn't important. He must know me well or just have good reactions coz he managed to sort me out as I thought only Ashley knew how. And after an epic-hug and a while chillin' on the grass with some other people I re-entered the 'risk-zone' of lessons. I kept seeing both S and R through-out the day, but neither were anywhere near close enough to say anything, even if they wanted to.
My lip still hurts.
Also, J-R seemed to latch onto me today, he even kissed the top of my head!! I ducked and ran.

For a first day at college, I think that was a pretty damn fucked one, I haven't written this well because I have yet to process it all, I may re-write some time.

Grazie to Yash for putting aside awkward-ness to be a good friend, and to Ashley for being forever awesome, I'd forgotten how much you mean to me.

Realisation.

I have definitely put on weight, which I am not too pleased about, but it could be worse.

Bad Things | Good Things
I don't much like my body | I have bigger... assets
I fit some of my other clothes better now | Clothes that used to be looser are now tight

I'm struggling to find the positive in this.

My mind is blown; we're more alike than I thought, yet still worlds apart.

"
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

"

Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann

I saw the writing in the picture about a month ago, liked it, and saved it as a draft on my phone so I could look it up another day. I saw it quoted on the back of someones camper I think it was. Now I see it posted in his blog; I knew what it was immediately and was stuck with a strange feeling, more than coincidence.

"When I like people immensely, I never tell their names to any one. It is like surrendering a part of them. I have grown to love secrecy. It seems to be the one thing that can make modern life mysterious or marvellous to us. The commonest thing is delightful if one only hides it. Somehow it seems to bring a great deal of romance into one’s life."

Oscar Wilde

The Wilderness Downtown

"Please RT this... Achingly beautiful... http://thewildernessdowntown.com/ Night night... 11:05 PM Sep 1st via web"

Tweeted by Phil Jupitus; I came across The Wilderness Downtown, an interactive film which I quite liked. Check it out for yourself.

Saw new and old people today, arrogance is not something I like. I would like to be around interesting, fun people who know when to relax and when to have fun. I would like them to be them, not who they think they should be. Highlight of my day has to be seeing my not-so-siblings, Ashley and Jake. We met and chatted and just generally were ourselves, I think we're getting closer. I texted an ex-boyfriend to see how things would be at college, and I feel like I shouldn't of. I got texts and phone calls for the next few hours. Not one of my best ideas... we ended badly (my fault).Ashley and I walked home and talked on the way, made copious amounts of dinner which we struggled to consume whilst listening to some 80's music.
I am too arrogant, sometimes I hate myself and wish I was different. I am no good, but this is me. I attempt to change this. I do not write this to create pity or an impact, I write this to be honest. Truth can be power, but that is twisted tale for another day.

A Happy Day.

Sleeping in late, well by late I mean about half 11, which is late enough for today. My sister wakes me after coming back from her driving lesson (cars not golf), she drove all the way home from the next village on (about a 30 minute walk) and was really excited as it's only her second lesson.
There is something you must understand about my family, we like each other. Generally we all get along really well, unlike other families, I actually enjoy spending time with them and actively seek out spare time with them. Sometimes I'd much rather watch a film on the sofa with them, than spend the same experience with friends. Another thing about my family is that we have extra members, the main example of this is Ashley, a.k.a. Trumpet-Girl, Lilly etc. and today she sent me a letter, which I love (both the letter and the social mentality). Short but sweet sums up the letter, but "it's the thought that counts", which is very true, and I love the fact that she did take the time to write me.
Mia sorella e me cycled to a local National Trust gardens and had a wander and a picnic. We sat in the sunshine and read our books, then pottered on homewards. Dad picked us up and we talked and laughed until we reached Perranporth, where we bought and devoured chips (with lots of salt and vinegar please) then went for a short walk on the beach. The sea is always colder than it looks.
Mum was packing when we got home, so we helped/distracted her whilst chatting about things. I made a cup of tea, Lauren and I decided to have a 'who can drink their tea the noisiest' competition, which I won. Mum heard us laughing and came and joined in.
Before I started this post I watched a rather good film. The Abduction Club. Put me in a good mood it did, and whilst writing I have been listening to the Thicker Than Water Soundtrack, some good chill-out music.
College induction tomorrow, then maybe some camping with friends (I must find my/a tent).

Last Nightshade.

La camping. I thought it would be majorly awkward what with Mia being there and all. I was half right, it was awkward, but not majorly so. So, not all bad. Arrived-o with Ashley and we were all sitting round the fire, as one does. I was sitting with Ashley, sharing a blanket, and Lena&Matt, Mia&Jamie and Will were all sitting and talking together on the other side of the fire. Felt a little left out, seeing as Ashley was the only one talking to me, and felt a bit sad when Ashley said that if I wasn't there she wouldn't be talking to anyone at all. It started to get dark and the fire was going out, so went dans le tent. So, Lena&Matt were in one part, Mia&Jamie were in another part, all four ...being quiet. So it's Ashley, Will and I, so, yeah, that's pretty much how it was all le time. Had mucho laughs with Ashley though, so all good. Talked to Will in the morning whilst he was polishing and I was playing with his knife. Ashley managed to mis-place her delicates XD and Mia and I went on an expedition to find them. :D Then we generally socialized with the horses :D I love horsies :D. One mucho posh car ride later and I turn into a drifter and walk from Ashley's back to mine, a fair few miles. I enjoyed it, and if I do say so myself, I looked quite fly. :D

I'd love to go traveling, Wales for 3months, Scotland for 3months, Ireland for 3months and then a different part of England for the last 3months. I'd like to learn how to ride horses, and get a moped, that'd be cool. I'd also like to walk from John O'Groats to Land's End, for charity if they'd let me. I think I should write a list of long term goals/plans for the future. It might help me find a purpose. I'd like that.

Angry (feet)

So I've been getting really angry recently. The little things have been annoying me uncontrollably, like the noise facebook chat was making made me want to punch a wall, or the replies people give you to things, I wish they would not bother saying anything rather than saying 'lol' or 'haha yh'. Another thing that annoyed me, I went to meet up with friends the other day, and their was one guy in particular that I really wanted to see and catch up with. So we all meet up etc. and then go to pick up one of the lot from her home, I thought we would be there for half an hour at the most, but oh no! we spent 6hours! at her's! So the guy I wanted to catch up with was there but I couldn't talk to him! Because we were watching a film and shh! I'm trying to watch the film! Then he had to go so it was like OH! great, I still haven't had the chance to catch up with him yet. And for a reason unknown to me, no one is talking to me anymore, I am being avoided like the plague. Much funsies.

Have found a cure for anger, I spend time walking barefoot on the earth, it is very soothing. Spent 3 days in a row just chillin' with the world. Am now at peace.

I can't think of an interesting blog, so ima just write lyrics.

"Maybe, it's me, maybe I bore you"
Used To Love U - John Legend

"I'm really not so with you anymore.
I'm just a ghost,

I'm so far away from you.

And without you is how I disappear"
This is How I Disappear - My Chemical Romance

"You're the one that I need, I'm the one that you loathe

So why don't you blow me a kiss before she goes?

A kiss and I will surrender

So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be"
The Sharpest Lives - My Chemical Romance

"Tell me what you want from me,
take a look at what you see,
let me know if it's right here,
something you can have for years"
What You Want - Mase

"Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole,
just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound,
but while you debate half empty or half full it slowly rises,
your love is gonna drown."
Marching Bands of Manhattan - Death Cab For Cutie

Grandstand (Flying Fish Remix) - Sports Fails, Fun and Legends

Rants from the grumpy side of life: Same sex marriages

Rants from the grumpy side of life: Same sex marriages: "Seriously. Why not? Why can't there be same sex marriage? Give me one good reason? Go on! Why can't two chaps who both like Mariah Carey be..."

The Aphid.

There are four trees. Set in a square shape; they are each a mile from the next in perimeter. The type of tree is unimportant to the story, but for argument's sake let us say they are sycamore trees. Now these four sycamore trees have spread out between them a large, white, linen picnic blanket; the dimensions of which are also 1mile by 1 mile. Now, let us further venture across this large expanse as if we were the air. We explore every corner and every wrinkle of this large picnic blanket and come across nothing. Not a crumb, nor a feather, not even the faintest residue of pollen. Nothing except in the very center of the blanket, where there stands the most minuscule Green Aphid. Alone. Nothing around it but blank, white terrain. And there it exists; and I say exists as opposed to lives, because to live you must have life in you, and full of life this little Aphid is not. It just awaits the end, no thing can reach it, so it just waits in it's own wilderness: nothingness.

“It's so ------ when you don't even know yourself.”

“--------- adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.”



“When we truly realize that we are all ----- is when we need others the most”

After realising that putting Enter Shikari - No Sleep Tonight into my sleep playlist would be a bad idea, I set about putting together a more... appropriate one.
If you're interested it went like this:
What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
Cigarettes - Daniel Merriweather
Set the Fire to the Third Bar - Snow Patrol & Martha Wainwright
Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright (or Jeff Buckley)
Drowned - Tim Minchin (or this version)

Yes, it gets progressively more depressing as it goes along, and is also quite short (the resemblance between me and it I cannot pretend hasn't come to my attention). After concluding that it wouldn't be very successful to ask for suggestions on here (no-one reads this sh*t that I churn out of my think-box), I decided to consult the mighty intermanet. So I will be adding Ane Brun - True Colours (a song I already knew about) and then will be slowly trekking through this list which I came across.

Hands of Time by Groove Armada
Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works
Tom Newman
The Shins.
Tegan and Sara.
Think for a minute - The Housemartins
Same deep water - I am Kloot
Albatross - Chris Coco
Hayling - FC Kahuna
Out of time - Blur
Come Undone - Duran Duran
Hobart Paving - Saint Etienne
Hong Kong - Gorillaz
All I need - Air
Fireflies - Babybird
Harm of will - Bjork
At the river - Groove Armada
By the sea - Suede
Distractions and Destiny - Zero 7
Autumn Leaves - Coldcut.
Love Theme From Spartacus - Terry Callier (4hero remix).
Jeanne - Air.
Star Chasers and Our Own Place - 4hero.
Future Sound Of London
Grant Green - Idle Moments
Ulrich Schnauss - Far Away Trains Passing By or A Strangely Isolated Place
Just Another - Pete Yorn
Bring on the Wonder - Susan Enan
Night Ride Across the Caucasus - Loreena McKennit
Sugar Water - Cibo Matto
Running Up That Hill - Placebo
On My God, Whatever, Etc - Ryan Adams
Eyes - Rogue Wave
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
Rocky Took a Lover - Bell X1
Inflatable - Bush
Nude - Radiohead
Ride - Cary Brothers
Songbird - Eva Cassidy
Ocean of Noise - Arcade Fire
Everything - Lifehouse
Starlings - Elbow (already know)
Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap (already know)
Strange Angels - Laurie Anderson
Break So Easy - Johnathan Rice
Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine
Bright Eyes - We are Nowhere and its Now - First Day of my Life (already know)
Death Cab for Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhattan, I Will Follow You Into the Dark, Crooked Teeth, What Sarah Said (already know death cab)
DJ Shadow - You Can't Go Home Again
Elliot Smith - Between the Bars , Angeles
Jason Mraz - Details in the Fabric
Jeff Buckley - Mojo Pin, Lilac Wine
Jose Gonzalez - Heartbeats (already know)
Matisyahu - King without a Crown
MGMT - Of Moons, Birds & Monsters
Nick Drake - One of these Things First
Ryan Adams - Come Pick Me Up
Scott Mathews - Elusive
Sneaker Pimps - Low Five
Sufjan Stevens - John Wayne Gacy Jr, Chicago, Casimir Pulaski Day, The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is out to get Us, The Seer's Tower, Jacksonville, To be alone with You
The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #2 (Laika), My Body is a Cage
The Black Keys - Work Me
The Shins - Caring is Creepy, New Slang
At The River - Groove Armada
Exploisions In The Sky
Lemon Jelly - Lost Horizons and 64-95
Alone In Kyoto - Air
1969 - Boards Of Canada
My Angel Rocks Back and Forth - Four Tet
Sunday Morning - Velvet Underground
Indian Summer - The Doors
Dry The Rain - The Beta Band
Heart Of Gold - Neil Young
Higher Than The Sun - Primal Scream
Small Blue Thing - Suzanne Vega
Thin Red Line soundtrack
Opalescent - Jon Hopkins
Together We Will Live Forever - Clint Mansell (from The Fountain OST)
May You Never - John Martyn
Capa's Last Transmission - Underworld (from Sunshine OST)
Cocoon -Bjork
Music Is Math - Boards Of Canada
Easter Parade - The Blue Nile
Svefn G Englar - Sigur Ros (already know Sigur Ros)
Song To The Siren - This Mortal Coil
Sing A Song For You - Tm Buckley
How To Disappear Completely - Radiohead
Silly Games - Janet Kay
The Ballad Of Lucy Jordan - Dr. Hook
Love Hurts - Roy Orbison
The Great Pretender - The Platters
Small Hours - The Pogues
Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I'll Ever Do Again) - Kris Kristofferson
A Good Year for the Roses - Elvis Costello
In the Still of the Night - The Five Satins
It's Only Make Believe - Conway Twitty
Man of the World - Fleetwood Mac
The Island - Paul Brady
Moon River - Danny Williams
The Boxer - Simon & Garfunkel
I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free - Nina Simone
Van Diemen's Land - U2
Songs Of Love - The Divine Comedy
A Rainy Night In Soho - The Pogues
Sunday Morning Comin' Down - Kris Kristofferson
Earth Angel - The Penguins
And I Love You So - Perry Como
I've Been Loving You Too Long - Otis Redding
Stand by Me - Ben E. King
these arms of mine - Otis Redding
Once Upon A Time - The Pogues
Desperado - The Eagles
Only You - The Platters
She's A Mystery To Me - Roy Orbison
I Love How You Love Me - The Paris Sisters

This song is like sex.



I can tell - Jesse Powell

Moving through this world of mine.

I feel that I may be missing something,

and I don't think this is it.

"Fear is just a feeling, fear can never kill you."

Your love is like finger nails on a chalkboard
Your love is like throwing myself overboard
A breakdown on a motorway
A heart attack on Christmas day
Like scaling a cliff then falling off
Like trying not to cough

And I didn’t see this one coming, now I’m in too deep
I didn’t see this one coming, now I’m in too deep
I think I’ll just keep swimming down, down, down
There’s no point in trying to turn back now

I’m drowned
I’m drowned

Your love is like sand inside a bathing suit
Your love is a symphony with the sound on mute
A letter sent to the wrong address
Or red wine on a wedding dress
Like broken bones in my playing hand
Like trying to swallow sand

Cos I didn’t see this one coming, now I’m in too deep
I didn’t see this one coming, now I’m in too deep
I think I’ll just keep swimming down, down, down
There’s no point in trying to reach dry ground

I’m drowned
I’m drowned

Your love is like one last breath of salty air
Your love is like a map that leads to nowhere
A wine glass on a concrete floor
The overuse of metaphor
The straight ahead in a sideways glance
Like the misstep in a dance

Cos I didn’t see this one coming, now I’m in too deep
I didn’t see this one coming, now I’m in too deep
I think I’ll just keep swimming down
There’s no point in turning round

I’m drowned
I’m drowned

Drowned
Tim Minchin

Saying 'I love you' in a song is like sending 'I miss you' with a second class stamp.

Vladimir Kush

City by the Sea

Contemplation of this heavenly body is like diving into the bottomless depths of our subconscious mind. We look at ourselves from the darkness and watch the hidden features come to light.

It is happening again. I can't sleep.


I want to watch the sunrise over the water with you, but that looks to be unlikely doesn't it?


I need some inspiration.

Français e poi some

It's like escapism.

I write in strange languages or use un-ordinary words to add mystery to well.. me... 'cause that's what I'm all about. Sure, that's one reason; but yeah, back to escapism. It allows me to, say, draw the attention away from something I may be embarrassed to 'say' [by 'say' I mean type, because no-one actually converses verbally anymore]. So maybe I want to hide the fact that I'm so jealous of something. In this case I just slip in a word in, maybe... Italian. That way it draws the attention away from the bitter remark I just made. Y'know?

Perhaps I'll use a bit of Grecian type to add an air of mystery to my somewhat boring persona.

Or maybe I'll use it to seem like there is some sort of 'in-joke'.

I'd like to be seen as poetic and arty, but it doesn't help that my words are straight outta the mainstream dictionary and the last artistic attempt I made ended in bloodshed. So maybe I should cut back; or, alternately I could carry on in my feeble, weak person's attempt at embellishing my vocabulary and jazzin' up mah syntax, in the hope that once it becomes natural to me, the poetic, fucking artist will just... burst forth from the weak person in a manner unbeknown to the world.

Debole è!

Reasons why life is shit for the minute.

Harry + Rochelle
(Happily going off to France together)
Alex + Rach
(Ill = bad moods)
Luke + Freya
(Happy)
Ashley + Lots of friends
(Gets on better with them; they share more)
Josh + Becky
(Happy)
Jake would rather be with Alex + Rach
(expected)
Matt = AWOL
(Expected- I royally made a mess of that)
Liam = with Matt
(Expected)

what? WHAT? I DON'T CARE!

Facebook is just so full of peoples lives being shoved at you. It is so BORING! I don't particularly care if you love whasisface so much and you can't live without them bbz. I DON'T CARE! Oh my gosh! I can't believe blah happened, my life is over! Get a GRIP! So what? Life moves on! Just quit Facebook-ing all your meticulous little put me downs ( and oh no, they aren't directed to other people because who cares about them?) The put me downs are self directed, oh look at poor little me, I'm so fragile, on the edge. Oh help me!

My message: DON'T LIE. Save the hyperboles to those who actually need them. The boy who cried wolf.

1. Total depletion of supplies; shopping trip soon. Now on to the massive hill of traveled washing. Meh! 23 July 2010 14:13:47 via web
2. Family + Stevie = XD 22 July 2010 16:20:16 via txt
3. Hello Cornwall! 22 July 2010 15:35:05 via txt
4. Just saw the dinosaur again. 22 July 2010 14:33:00 via txt
5. Just saw a old carriage with the horses in a horse box..surely that defeats the object? 22 July 2010 14:21:36 via txt
6. England from what I can see it is covered in cloud, is rainy and looks a bit chalky... Oh Yaiy, going home. 22 July 2010 11:11:52 via txt
7. 10 a.m. Locked, loaded and ready to go. 22 July 2010 10:02:59 via txt
8. Goodbye city; it's been good. Thankyou for having me. 21 July 2010 20:56:13 via txt
9. Pink doors? Train? I Like XD 21 July 2010 20:42:11 via txt
10. What is it with this place and the Vengaboys? :) 21 July 2010 16:45:25 via txt
11. @Emma: I just heard a trance version of lemon tree.. It was interesting. :) 21 July 2010 11:38:33 via txt
12. Bike, briefcase, daisy, coffee. Some of the many things I can see. :) 21 July 2010 10:03:23 via txt
13. @Ashley: Could I have my clothes back soon? I think you just have the white shorts? They aren't actually mine so you can't keep them. :) 21 July 2010 00:34:35 via txt
14. What? Oh! Txt me, yes you. 20 July 2010 23:59:54 via txt
15. Who is voltaire? 20 July 2010 20:21:00 via txt
16. I just saw the silver surfer..on someones balcony..in the city. XD 20 July 2010 20:07:14 via txt
17. Memo: lovecats 7:20 PM Jul 20th via txt
18. Yes!!! All is very good! 6:15 PM Jul 20th via txt
19. SHAZAM tagged YOLANDA BE COOL FEAT. DCUP: "We No Speak Americano". 11:00 AM Jul 20th via txt
20. Today: fears have been faced, tongues have been burned and the city tan is greying, all is good. 12:50 AM Jul 20th via txt
21. @Josh: this place has awesome fashion!! Even better during the day! I'm thinking we should do a shopping spree ? XD 12:45 AM Jul 20th via txt
22. ~L.O.V.E.'s not what this was~ 12:38 AM Jul 20th via txt
23. What is okra? 10:19 PM Jul 19th via txt
24. Flight was pretty good :) good time of day 9:44 PM Jul 19th via txt
25. Does it have a name? The thing you do when you aren't looking but are going for your straw and you miss by miles, straw fish? 9:35 PM Jul 19th via txt
26. Chillin in st. James's park 6:17 PM Jul 19th via txt
27. Just woke up to the Mario theme. Win? I think so. 8:17 AM Jul 19th via txt
28. 11 magpies, maybe I should start again? 10:35 PM Jul 18th via txt

Something

I am leaving.
I don't know when I will be back.
I can't sleep.
I miss you.
I love you

List

Some things that I liked today...

Necklace (English rose)

Money (European, English, Icelandic, Monopoly)

Letter (to Y)

Sigur Rós
http://www.sigur-ros.co.uk/

Stephanie de Rouge
http://www.stephaniederouge.com/#

Before I die I want to...
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1777997212/before-i-die-i-want-to-website-and-mobile-app?pos=1

Beauty, Sadheart and Fairytales

I couldn't sleep until late. I stayed up talking to the most amazing girl, we haven't spoken in so long and I had forgotten what it was like to laugh with her; she defines 'good friend'. Then JR spent a while questioning me, I like it when this happens. I love it when people ask me 'why?'. I couldn't sleep, so I stayed up for a bit with cigarettes and Sigur Rós and trying to resolve beauty. There is nothing nicer than floating off to sleep in your row-boat.And so today I read some Fairytales, hoping that this would set me right.