Vladimir Kush

City by the Sea

Contemplation of this heavenly body is like diving into the bottomless depths of our subconscious mind. We look at ourselves from the darkness and watch the hidden features come to light.

It is happening again. I can't sleep.


I want to watch the sunrise over the water with you, but that looks to be unlikely doesn't it?


I need some inspiration.

Français e poi some

It's like escapism.

I write in strange languages or use un-ordinary words to add mystery to well.. me... 'cause that's what I'm all about. Sure, that's one reason; but yeah, back to escapism. It allows me to, say, draw the attention away from something I may be embarrassed to 'say' [by 'say' I mean type, because no-one actually converses verbally anymore]. So maybe I want to hide the fact that I'm so jealous of something. In this case I just slip in a word in, maybe... Italian. That way it draws the attention away from the bitter remark I just made. Y'know?

Perhaps I'll use a bit of Grecian type to add an air of mystery to my somewhat boring persona.

Or maybe I'll use it to seem like there is some sort of 'in-joke'.

I'd like to be seen as poetic and arty, but it doesn't help that my words are straight outta the mainstream dictionary and the last artistic attempt I made ended in bloodshed. So maybe I should cut back; or, alternately I could carry on in my feeble, weak person's attempt at embellishing my vocabulary and jazzin' up mah syntax, in the hope that once it becomes natural to me, the poetic, fucking artist will just... burst forth from the weak person in a manner unbeknown to the world.

Debole è!

Reasons why life is shit for the minute.

Harry + Rochelle
(Happily going off to France together)
Alex + Rach
(Ill = bad moods)
Luke + Freya
(Happy)
Ashley + Lots of friends
(Gets on better with them; they share more)
Josh + Becky
(Happy)
Jake would rather be with Alex + Rach
(expected)
Matt = AWOL
(Expected- I royally made a mess of that)
Liam = with Matt
(Expected)

what? WHAT? I DON'T CARE!

Facebook is just so full of peoples lives being shoved at you. It is so BORING! I don't particularly care if you love whasisface so much and you can't live without them bbz. I DON'T CARE! Oh my gosh! I can't believe blah happened, my life is over! Get a GRIP! So what? Life moves on! Just quit Facebook-ing all your meticulous little put me downs ( and oh no, they aren't directed to other people because who cares about them?) The put me downs are self directed, oh look at poor little me, I'm so fragile, on the edge. Oh help me!

My message: DON'T LIE. Save the hyperboles to those who actually need them. The boy who cried wolf.

1. Total depletion of supplies; shopping trip soon. Now on to the massive hill of traveled washing. Meh! 23 July 2010 14:13:47 via web
2. Family + Stevie = XD 22 July 2010 16:20:16 via txt
3. Hello Cornwall! 22 July 2010 15:35:05 via txt
4. Just saw the dinosaur again. 22 July 2010 14:33:00 via txt
5. Just saw a old carriage with the horses in a horse box..surely that defeats the object? 22 July 2010 14:21:36 via txt
6. England from what I can see it is covered in cloud, is rainy and looks a bit chalky... Oh Yaiy, going home. 22 July 2010 11:11:52 via txt
7. 10 a.m. Locked, loaded and ready to go. 22 July 2010 10:02:59 via txt
8. Goodbye city; it's been good. Thankyou for having me. 21 July 2010 20:56:13 via txt
9. Pink doors? Train? I Like XD 21 July 2010 20:42:11 via txt
10. What is it with this place and the Vengaboys? :) 21 July 2010 16:45:25 via txt
11. @Emma: I just heard a trance version of lemon tree.. It was interesting. :) 21 July 2010 11:38:33 via txt
12. Bike, briefcase, daisy, coffee. Some of the many things I can see. :) 21 July 2010 10:03:23 via txt
13. @Ashley: Could I have my clothes back soon? I think you just have the white shorts? They aren't actually mine so you can't keep them. :) 21 July 2010 00:34:35 via txt
14. What? Oh! Txt me, yes you. 20 July 2010 23:59:54 via txt
15. Who is voltaire? 20 July 2010 20:21:00 via txt
16. I just saw the silver surfer..on someones balcony..in the city. XD 20 July 2010 20:07:14 via txt
17. Memo: lovecats 7:20 PM Jul 20th via txt
18. Yes!!! All is very good! 6:15 PM Jul 20th via txt
19. SHAZAM tagged YOLANDA BE COOL FEAT. DCUP: "We No Speak Americano". 11:00 AM Jul 20th via txt
20. Today: fears have been faced, tongues have been burned and the city tan is greying, all is good. 12:50 AM Jul 20th via txt
21. @Josh: this place has awesome fashion!! Even better during the day! I'm thinking we should do a shopping spree ? XD 12:45 AM Jul 20th via txt
22. ~L.O.V.E.'s not what this was~ 12:38 AM Jul 20th via txt
23. What is okra? 10:19 PM Jul 19th via txt
24. Flight was pretty good :) good time of day 9:44 PM Jul 19th via txt
25. Does it have a name? The thing you do when you aren't looking but are going for your straw and you miss by miles, straw fish? 9:35 PM Jul 19th via txt
26. Chillin in st. James's park 6:17 PM Jul 19th via txt
27. Just woke up to the Mario theme. Win? I think so. 8:17 AM Jul 19th via txt
28. 11 magpies, maybe I should start again? 10:35 PM Jul 18th via txt

Something

I am leaving.
I don't know when I will be back.
I can't sleep.
I miss you.
I love you

List

Some things that I liked today...

Necklace (English rose)

Money (European, English, Icelandic, Monopoly)

Letter (to Y)

Sigur Rós
http://www.sigur-ros.co.uk/

Stephanie de Rouge
http://www.stephaniederouge.com/#

Before I die I want to...
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1777997212/before-i-die-i-want-to-website-and-mobile-app?pos=1

Beauty, Sadheart and Fairytales

I couldn't sleep until late. I stayed up talking to the most amazing girl, we haven't spoken in so long and I had forgotten what it was like to laugh with her; she defines 'good friend'. Then JR spent a while questioning me, I like it when this happens. I love it when people ask me 'why?'. I couldn't sleep, so I stayed up for a bit with cigarettes and Sigur Rós and trying to resolve beauty. There is nothing nicer than floating off to sleep in your row-boat.And so today I read some Fairytales, hoping that this would set me right.

The Group.

So, where I grew up, like anywhere else, there was a 'cool' group. It was generally made up of:
R- the enigmatic guy everyone seemed to be in awe of.
D- The lovable, slacking, light taker.
B- The Girl I aforementioned.
J- The b*tch.

The group is larger than this, but these appear to be the main ones. Anyway, so browsing through photos online, I come across some that show M smoking. Also, I heard some rumors going around of certain deeds that may or may not have been committed by R, J and another. After hearing these things, I seem to have lost respect for some of them. This saddens me as they are fairly inspirational at times, and although you shouldn't be judged by others or you shouldn't judge others, I still think you should be cautionary to mind people's respect for you. I'm sorry that it's like that, but it is.

It makes me happy to deduce that B seems to shy away from that kind of thing. It makes me happy because I see great things happening to her, she appears to be amazing to me.

Just a word to the wise: be careful, you never know who is aware of you, and how important they could be to your future and happiness.

Peace&Love, Afro-Kid Out. x

Why must I always play the clown?

It makes it too easy for them to put you down.

Too late
Too late
Too late
Too late
Too late
Too late
Too late

καὶ μὴ εἰσενέγκῃς ἡμᾶς εἰς πειρασμόν,
ἀλλὰ ῥῦσαι ἡμᾶς ἀπὸ τοῦ πονηροῦ.

Decisions.

Have decided these things.
- J is a manipulative sh*it, but she still sends jolts through me.
- I hate this.
- I really would like a guitar, they are cool.
- Babies aren't actually that bad.
- My favorite cookie is oat & raisin.
- I need to help my brother
- Y has changed a bit,
- as has Blue.
- I need more music,
- and films
- and literature
- and driving lessons
- and shopping opportunities.


- I still miss you.

Undisclosed Desires ~ Dream

Woke up feeling terrible. Why does my subconscious feel the need to put bad situations in my dreams, damnit! All I remember is...

We are in her room, someone [the girl I think] was wearing white. She softly starts to kiss me and get closer [I am sure you get the picture...]. Ordinarily I wouldn't mind this kind of tender love in a dream [yes, so I'm secretly a bit of a sop]. I wouldn't mind it, if I didn't have a strong feeling that this girl was Y. UGH! Subconscious mind you are irritating! Why do you feel the need to put something like that in my head? I don't like her, she doesn't like me, but you seem to think things are different. Great, just what I need, a rebellious subconscious.

P&L, A-K O. x

Learning in Silence

Educational monotony, yes it is a lie. Learning where things are supposed to be is not something I wish to partake in. Monotony, monotony, monotony. Yet education is wealth.

I arrive home; there are strangers in my house. The ill-feeling this creates dis-heartens me, but what to do?
The girl inspires me more, I wish we could be friends, such an insight! I feel compelled to read what she reads, watch what she watches and listen to what she listens to. Independent, strong, beautiful, insightful; oh how the list could go on!

JR is persistent, I am not sure how to let the poor girl know without ill-feeling, but gosh girl! you don't know me.

My friend [although out relationship is ambiguous] is providing my musical interest. She is friends with me after just turning up one day; she now dates a semi-friend of mine.

The baby woke up crying in my room, I wanted to soothe it and let it know everything was ok, but who am I to be responsible when the grandparents are entrusted with such cares, why I am just a adolescent boy with a caring edge.
P&L, A-K O. x

Things

So for a while now I have been feeling like there is someone out there for me. Not as in Oh there is someone out there, fish in the sea etc. no, I can actually feel her/him, just moving around in their life. So far I have only been aware of them at night, but still, it kinda gives me hope, ya know? maybe it's the unconscious side of me compensating for a lack of someone. I got scared the other day, I lost her/him. I couldn't feel them anymore. It was like the empty-ness had doubled, but they're back now, but less strong I fear. If you're out their, I hope we meet soon, I miss you, I love you.

So it turns out that F does like men, or perhaps both, seeing as he did have a Beau in the past. I can not say that I am overly shocked, but why is it that both F and Y have more luck with their own gender than I do? Y isn't interested in girls, yet she gets them, and F had a girl and now has a guy! And what do I get? Softy, Player, Emotional, Player [again turned cheater], One weekend Beau cheater/friend/now awkward. Gah!

JR just told me this, Y would do well to read it [if I hadn't just told her that we aren't talking]

A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by


Having left school this June it seems weird to not have said something to this one girl I feel a weird creative-mind connection to. She posts the most interesting things, her ideas always interest me and she surprises me time and again. I have many things in common with her, not that she would ever guess. Well at least I think I have these things in common, or maybe it is my personality that tries to be everyone, because I am such an attention-seeker. Anyway, some things she has posted recently which I just... well, loved.

"while you and i have lips and voices which
are for kissing and to sing with
who cares if some one-eyed son of a bitch
invents an instrument to measure spring with?"

e.e. cummings

e poi

“Her breasts crushed flat against him, her mouth was all new and warm, owned in common. They stopped thinking with an almost painful relief, stopped seeing; they only breathed and sought each other. They were both in the gray gentle world of a mild hangover of fatigue when the nerves relax in bunches like piano strings, and crackle suddenly like wicker chairs. Nerves so raw and tender must surely join other nerves, lips to lips, breast to breast… .

They were still in the happier stage of love. They were full of brave illusions about each other, tremendous illusions, so that the communion of self with self seemed to be on a plane where no other human relations mattered. They both seemed to have arrived there with an extraordinary innocence as though a series of pure accidents had driven them together, so many accidents that at last they were forced to conclude that they were for each other. They had arrived with clean hands, or so it seemed, after no traffic with the merely curious and clandestine.”

- Tender Is The Night - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I think I will have to invest in a mild obsession/ following [online] of this girl and some literature of her choice. All this said, society condones that I must keep my distance; she and I do not mix.

Peace&Love, Afro-Kid out. x

Notes

Y, you are starting to bore me, and annoy me.
JR, no, just no. You are confusing yourself, and me.

Short shorts

It would appear that the girls can't get enough of the short shorts! The Y-thing started with the short shorts and now today, well it was raining and I was inside, so I had nothing against wearing my short shorts, but then I decided to go out. Chav girls don't half pay you attention when you wear these such garments. I walk along, they spot me, I go to the cash machine, they follow me [I hear them talking about me], I go inside the store, they follow me, I leave the store, they follow me and circle back when it becomes apparent that I will shortly re-enter. Then as I wander the store, Oh! surprise there they are again. I don't object to the attention but, please, the right kind of girl next time? aka. single and my type. SIGH!
peace&love, Afro-Kid out. x

Issues much!!

So, it's now mucho awkward now. After going to Awesome gig and accidental making out, Y & Afro-Kid now are at the 'Awkward Stage'. Y told her Beau and now things are strained. I mean, what to do?! We are like that *crosses fingers* or rather were. Well at least she started it. Oh, give me a hug she says. That was not a hug for sure! That was night 1, part way through making out sesh she stops, I have a Beau, we should stop, Ok I say, and then she just carries on, for 5 more hours!... The next day, all over me and then again that night it starts up. And through the rest of day 3 there's a bit more, I mean it's not like I mind but surely she should? Then she goes up to see her Beau and tells him that stuff happened. Yeah I don't like her like that and I know she doesn't like me like that but like WTF? and now things are awkward! UGH! Where are the ample supply of devilishly good looking girls? No fear, one day!
Peace&love, Afro-Kid out. x