This is how my mind has been working recently, hence lack of blog posts. Also, tumblr doesn't help. :)

Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You

So I guess I was right.

My theory is.. no one cares any more. I have Ashley and George and that's it. No one else really cares, sure they're quite happy to let me tag along, but if I disappeared, they wouldn't give a fuck really. It makes me sad really. It's quite clear to people that when I meet them I'm shy and therefore a bit weird and I make mistake but that doesn't mean you should totally not consider me. Then again there are people I've been friends with for longer than 2 years now, and I'm relatively sure they don't care a heck of a lot really either. It just gets me down, a lot.

Merry Christmas! I love you! xxxxxxxx

Maybe I'm being paranoid.

I noticed a controlling tone in your speech earlier. I'm watching you. Believe me I am. I've learnt the signs. Make one bad move and I will pick you up on it. It will not happen again!

I'll try to explain it.

We're sitting next each other, George and I. We're both reading, I'm leaning against him, the back of my head in the place where his shoulder meets his neck. He has his arm over my shoulder too, holding my hand, we're just reading. He's reading, or rather studying, a book about a band he loves and I'm reading a story, a novel perhaps. But that's not what is important, it's the way that even though we're both totally absorbed by what we're reading, we both need to exist together, the touch of his skin against mine, the way his thumb brushes ever so slightly, unconsciously, against my hand. I can see this for years to come, living, breathing, being together. While we watch over our little son and daughter as they run around the park, chasing each other, or in that quiet moment we get when they're finally asleep. Sitting on our deep leather sofa, by the fire with our red wine (always red wine, are we addicted? :) ). We don't need any other language than the one of our bodies; so much can be said without words.

"I feel like it’s tremendously degrading to grab the back of your head, or hold your ears as handles, or whatever else most guys do."

I laughed!

'War hero's' award ceremony and the award presenters for some of them are footballers. Because that's really great isn't it. They risk their lives in violence for us and then get 'sympathy' from overpaid twats who kick balls for a living. That's it, rub it in their faces.

Just explained my paranoia to my boyfriend. He is awesome. I lo...

Mon Zebra

http://fishgopop.tumblr.com/

Truth.

Truth is the word I cut into my arm.

There, I said it.
Truth is important to me.

I made it all pretty!

http://le-joie-de-vivre.tumblr.com/

Fuck this, Ima dye my hair and get my fringe back. Ima be awesome and everything'll be even awesomer! FUCK YEH!

So there are people at college who, yeah I get on with but, I don't think they think much of me. There life would be in no way negatively effected if I ceased to exist. I think that's most of the people I know, to be honest. If I moved away they wouldn't miss me, with in a month it would be like I was never there, I swear. There's no-one that really depends on me, that without me they feel a little sad.

I suppose what I'm saying is: we just don't... bond.

My sister.

My best friend, Ashley. Look how amazing and beautiful she is, so tall too! I love her so much, she's my rock (so call on a cliche) i.e. she's always there for me and is much too quiet! I know sometimes I'm an awful friend, I don't talk much and I'm rubbish at 'listening', but honestly I care and if I forget her it really is accidental. Ask me about her and I shall tell you how awesome my Ashley is. Give her hugs, she likes them... then again so does everyone. I owe her raisins.. hmmm and huge hugs.

I love you.