MY NAME IS HOPE AND I AM A BIG BUM.

I am afraid to die. You wouldn't think that this is good news, but strangely enough it is. It used to be the thing that terrified me above everything else. But then there came a time when I lost everything and I lost the very core of my being. I welcomed death, thinking it would bring me peace. Then I lost more and it seemed as if there was a compelling force. What good was there left? But then you sit there and you think, and one day it comes to you that you can't will it to happen any more. I have something to loose again now, and something to be lost. And I am afraid again of that all consuming darkness, yet not quite so afraid, to see friends again is a simple delight that will become us all. Fear is just a feeling, fear can never hurt you.

I GOTS MY ASHLEY BACK!

Mum's letting her stay round again! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been fucking months and FINALLY mum has lifted the ban! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES! *excited noises* Ima tidy my room and buy in some ben and jerry's and get some films and make food and munchies and and and everything! :D :D :D I'VE GOT MY BEST FRIEND BACK! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY I LOVE ASHLEY :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

FUCK YOU JOSH, YOU NEVER READ MY BLOG ANYMORE D:

So MaBusby put in a special request that I write a blog post about him, and to make it extra 'gay'. Okay, so here we go. Matt walked into a bar, and went to order an appletini. He started chatting to this guy and well, they just seemed to hit it off. Matt called a taxi.. No, I jest. Matt's lovely though. Last night he gave me my first ever pair of sonic boxers (I think he got them for christmas but they weren't comfy or something, so yay, new christmas boxers!!) They are so comfy!!!! He even lends me his t-shirts so I don't look like a scruffy ragamuffin, for example, today I'm wearing his Parkway Drive one, which is like one of his most favorite bands, so I'm privileged. He's lent me his favorite books and made me mix tapes and yeah, it's lovely really. I could be awesome and do reviews of them at some point because I've been instructed to do more blog posts so he doesn't have to 'read all those George ones'. Anyway, Matt's in the shower, so I don't have long, this was I just a quick thing to say hi, I'm alive, it's okay now and yeah... stuff. Matt's awesome, I mean, I know we argue a LOT at times, more than ever before, but that's okay, because as Matt was saying the other day, when we've just argued we're really cute afterwards to make up for it. :) Might write a blog post about my Drama-yness soon, it's quite snazzy really :) well maybe not snazzy, but ... it's what I want to do so, READ IT, BITCHES!! I love you :) x

Today, a friend of mine was talking about 'that ex that'll always have a hold over you'.



Jamie's funeral will be on the 21st of December.

This is the beautiful song.

It's simple:

I am in love with him.