Things

So for a while now I have been feeling like there is someone out there for me. Not as in Oh there is someone out there, fish in the sea etc. no, I can actually feel her/him, just moving around in their life. So far I have only been aware of them at night, but still, it kinda gives me hope, ya know? maybe it's the unconscious side of me compensating for a lack of someone. I got scared the other day, I lost her/him. I couldn't feel them anymore. It was like the empty-ness had doubled, but they're back now, but less strong I fear. If you're out their, I hope we meet soon, I miss you, I love you.

So it turns out that F does like men, or perhaps both, seeing as he did have a Beau in the past. I can not say that I am overly shocked, but why is it that both F and Y have more luck with their own gender than I do? Y isn't interested in girls, yet she gets them, and F had a girl and now has a guy! And what do I get? Softy, Player, Emotional, Player [again turned cheater], One weekend Beau cheater/friend/now awkward. Gah!

JR just told me this, Y would do well to read it [if I hadn't just told her that we aren't talking]

A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by


Having left school this June it seems weird to not have said something to this one girl I feel a weird creative-mind connection to. She posts the most interesting things, her ideas always interest me and she surprises me time and again. I have many things in common with her, not that she would ever guess. Well at least I think I have these things in common, or maybe it is my personality that tries to be everyone, because I am such an attention-seeker. Anyway, some things she has posted recently which I just... well, loved.

"while you and i have lips and voices which
are for kissing and to sing with
who cares if some one-eyed son of a bitch
invents an instrument to measure spring with?"

e.e. cummings

e poi

“Her breasts crushed flat against him, her mouth was all new and warm, owned in common. They stopped thinking with an almost painful relief, stopped seeing; they only breathed and sought each other. They were both in the gray gentle world of a mild hangover of fatigue when the nerves relax in bunches like piano strings, and crackle suddenly like wicker chairs. Nerves so raw and tender must surely join other nerves, lips to lips, breast to breast… .

They were still in the happier stage of love. They were full of brave illusions about each other, tremendous illusions, so that the communion of self with self seemed to be on a plane where no other human relations mattered. They both seemed to have arrived there with an extraordinary innocence as though a series of pure accidents had driven them together, so many accidents that at last they were forced to conclude that they were for each other. They had arrived with clean hands, or so it seemed, after no traffic with the merely curious and clandestine.”

- Tender Is The Night - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I think I will have to invest in a mild obsession/ following [online] of this girl and some literature of her choice. All this said, society condones that I must keep my distance; she and I do not mix.

Peace&Love, Afro-Kid out. x