Today

Okay so today. Today wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be, but it was still not great. I woke up today and tried calling George, no answer. Dressed and left, spent the morning with that don't cry feeling in my throat. I knew George wouldn't turn up, I just knew it, so I spared myself by getting an earlier bus. I nearly didn't, but then sometimes I think I'm too weak when it comes to George, so I put on some rage music and got my ass onto the bus, and told that guy he'd dropped his key. I was sitting on the bus, throat still doing that weird thing and I could feel my heart. I heard a while ago that in order to be something you have to do that kind of thing, for example if you want to be courageous you have to start doing courageous acts, even if it scares the shit out of you. So I decided I'd try being happy, so I texted George some nice texts. No reply, but that's fine. I got to college and went straight to my first lecture room, I was about 35 minutes early so I sat against the radiator, music-ing. Will made me smile a bit in Psyc. but then my lecturer said a bit of a put me down at us, so that squashed that. Had a free, don't remember much of it... I think Harry and Green were there, oh and Luke. A bit of laughter. Went to go to English, Kim stopped me to see if I was ok. I didn't show it but it was nice of her to care. George texted me and so I tried not to seem pathetic and show how much him not being there had crushed me. It's a big deal to me when he doesn't talk to me, I wish he understood, but I can't let him know without looking weak, needy and pathetic. So I was just as if it's cool, if I act that way it will be (fingers crossed). Another free which I spent mostly with Jake. It was good to see him, I haven't seen him in forever. I saved my first hug a tall person day hug for him :) We just chilled and chatted and I ate some of his chips :) Then Drama and Philosophy... Both of which a sudden wave of tiredness washed over me... I spent the last half hour of philosophy actually asleep :) The George stuff gets me down. Not contacting me after we've argued doesn't seem as important to him, or so it seems. I've been too open with him, I've let him see too much of my crazy. I need to back off; be stronger.

I talked to Ashley though, it made me happy. I miss her :) Also I found out my ex has his nose pierced now... he also has a pony tail and a poncho... yup, deffo over him XP